being real

{preface: this post has been brewing in my mind for about a week… after a conversation this evening (referred to below), i finally decided to write it out and post it.}

no one that knows me knows that i have this blog. well, actually, several of my friends at school know that i have a blog, but i’ve never given any of them the link.

tonight at dinner, there was a conversation that went something like this:

levi: yeah, you know… mary grace is kind of the resident photographer… she’s awesome, you should check out some of her work… read her blog.
me: WHAT?!  levi… how do you know i have a blog?!
levi: hold up… what?  i was just kidding.  wait… you have a blog?
gretchen: yeah, it’s private and she wont tell any of us the link.
kara: i’ve tried to google it… you can’t find it.
levi: i seriously didn’t know you had one!

so, this kind of got me wondering… what are the reasons that i don’t want people i actually know reading my blog?  are they even legitimate?  probably not, if i’m honest.

why is it so much easier for me to be real when i know that no one that actually knows me can read this?  sometimes, i feel like the random people i don’t know who find my blog, and whose blogs i read, ‘get me.’  when i read their writing, i’m shocked by how similar our lives are sometimes.  and i realized recently that i think it’s because i’m open when it comes to writing this.  i’m vulnerable.  see, i think that in relationships i tend to put up walls around myself.  i hate disappointment. (um, see previous post for more on that, haha).  but really… i wonder if i was always open and vulnerable with the people in my life, would they ‘get me’ in the same way?  i kinda think they would.  we’re in the same place in life, for the most part, and we’re all going through the same kind of things.

i’m not exactly sure what i’m getting at here, but i guess it might be a good idea to let people i know actually read this.  in fact, i feel like that might even be good for accountability.  so maybe.  i’m thinking about it.

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One Response to being real

  1. Annie says:

    my best friend, other good friends, brother, and parents read my blog, but i totally understand what you mean. what i try to do, in order to maintain the openness and vulnerability i have on my blog, is ask myself, “how would i say this if the people i knew weren’t reading?” then, whatever way that is, i’ll write accordingly. often nobody comments to me irl about it, but i think it helps them to understand me further, since it’s normally not anything i would probably discuss in conversation. hope that all helps inform your decision a little. :]

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