sometimes i just need to write it out.

so many of my friends are hurting right now. they’re dealing with divorce, cancer, addiction, broken hearts (both relationally, and literally*), self esteem/body image issues, financial struggles, death, and a zillion other things. really, it’s crazy to me how much hurt there is within the small circle of friends that i have. and when i see it, my heart hurts for them. i want to help them. and in so many of those cases, i cannot. i love on them, and encourage them, but i can’t make things better. i know that jesus can heal all these situations, and i’m just praying that he does, but man… sometimes the waiting really sucks. it’s hard to watch my friends struggle.

and then there is the constant nagging question… why are things going so well for me right now, and when is my world going to come crashing down? i try to push this out of my mind because i realize it’s kind of ridiculous, but i’m just struck with the realization that almost all of my friends are dealing with these life changing situations, and here i am… life is pretty darn good for me. it seems so unfair.

someone recently brought up the fact that maybe i’m not having major life issues right now so that i can be there for everyone. but… i’m just one person. i haven’t been in any of these situations… i’m so clueless. i’m grasping at straws here… i don’t know what to say in these situations. my parents are happily married, my family is healthy, we’re certainly not rich but we’re getting by, and i haven’t had to deal with anyone close to me dying since i was in the 4th grade. i feel so unequipped. i want to be jesus to them, and bring hope but… i just don’t know how. i haven’t been there. what am i supposed to say? how do i help the friend struggling through an extremely painful and difficult breakup? what do i say to the friend whose parents just finalized their divorce? how do i help the friend who is struggling with a drug addiction? what do i say to my friend who just doesn’t see how truly beautiful she is, inside and out? how can i possibly be jesus to these hurting people? what am i supposed to do?

alright… after typing that entire paragraph out, the lord brought this scripture to my mind:

“moses said to the lord, ‘o lord, i have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant.  i am slow of speech and tongue.’ the lord said to him, ‘who gave man his mouth? who makes him deaf or mute? who gives him sight or makes him blind? is it not i, the lord? now go; i will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” – exodus 4:10-12

right now he’s saying, “mary grace… who made your mouth?!” gosh, i need to quit complaining that i don’t know what to say and instead continue praying for these people, and just listen and be there for them. he will give me the words. he is faithful. and i trust.

well… this was not the direction i was seeing this blog post go in, but um… how cool is god?!  apparently i just needed to type all of this out. sorry that this was a complete ramble.

*my best friend’s mother is currently waiting for a heart transplant. i haven’t blogged about it before because i don’t really feel like it’s my place, but if you would, please pray for her. she is now first on the transplant list, after waiting since last august, and she’s at the point where she really, really needs a new heart.
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3 Responses to sometimes i just need to write it out.

  1. Annie says:

    i’m praying, MG. for you, and for those to whom you’re being Jesus. i have felt these feelings of inadequacy before, and i have found that my friends appreciate my willingness to just listen. i know God will give you the strength be to what your friends need to be for them. lean on Him; all is done through His grace!

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Isn’t God amazing? I’ll be keeping you and your friends in my prayers.

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