wisdom from oswald chambers

“the battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will before god, never first in the external world.  the spirit of god apprehends me and i am obliged to get alone with god and fight the battle out before him.  until this is done, i lose every time. the battle may take one minute or a year, that will depend on me, not on god, and i must resolutely go through the hell of a renunciation before god.  nothing has any power over the man who has fought out the battle before god and won there.  if i say, i will wait till i get into the circumstance and then put god to the test, i shall find i cannot.  i must get the thing settled between myself and god in the secret places of my soul where no stranger inter-meddles, and then i can go forth with the certainty that the battle is won… get alone with god, fight it out before him, settle the matter there once and for all… every now and again, not often, god brings us to a point of climax.  that is the great divide in the life; from that point we either go toward a more and more dilatory and useless type of christian life, or we come more and more ablaze for the glory of god– my utmost for his highest.”

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on time quickly passing, growing up, and some other ridiculous ramblings

i cannot be the only one who feels like life is flying by.  i know i write something like this in just about every (horribly infrequent) blog post.  but honestly, it’s my reality right now.  life is flying by and i can’t seem to make it slow down.  in one of my very first blog posts i talked about how i was very excited to grow up… and i think that’s still true.  i’m excited, but i’m also kind of freaking out now that it’s not really that far away.  (and i guess for right now i’m equating graduation with growing up.  which, isn’t exactly correct because i’m certainly growing up as i go through college but… well i don’t know, just bear with me here i guess.) for most of this year i’ve been really focused on the fact that come may, a large number of my friends will be graduating. i am extremely sad about this. i mean… on the one hand i am so excited for and proud of them, but selfishly i’m really sad. next year is going to be very strange without all of them here and i will miss them terribly. (sidenote: this is horrible, but when i wish them good luck on an exam, a little part of me actually hopes they fail it so they have to stay here another year with me, hahaha. just kidding. well i mean, i do sometimes have those thoughts, but i wouldn’t actually want any of them to fail.) anyway, i have been so focused on the ‘all my friends are leaving’ aspect of the situation that i never really took the time to think about what their graduation means for me beyond that. that, come next year i will be entering my senior year of college.

honestly it didn’t hit me until last thursday. thursday was the day that the junior class had scheduling. scheduling went off without any major issues and i happily went off to see the hunger games with friends. (sidenote: we must talk about this movie later.) anyway, when it was done i came back to my computer and saw the following:

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and all of a sudden i was smacked with the reality that ‘holy crap… i just scheduled for my senior year of college.’ excusemewhat? that’s not possible. i just moved in and said goodbye to my parents as a nervous but excited freshman. how can this time already be almost three-fourths over? (i know, i know… everyone told me it would go quickly. and i believed them, but i’m still having trouble with just how fast it really has gone.)

anyway, i’ve chosen to deal with all of this in a very mature way… i’ve spent the last week and a half listening to old school jesse mccartney music and obsessively checking my favorite thing on twitter, 90sgirlproblems. :) (and now i’m going to stop talking about it and go back to denying the fact that the semester ends in 5 weeks.)

in other news, despite the fact that i said i wasn’t going to nanny this summer a hundred thousand times since august, guess what i’m doing this summer? ha… yep. only two days a week, but i have to laugh at myself. i just can’t stop. i’m also hopefully hostessing at a restaurant near my house and continuing to volunteer at the local hospital. it should be a good summer. i would say i’m looking forward to it but um… the slower it gets here the better. oh wait… i’m not talking about that anymore.

i don’t think i’ve posted about this yet… but i’m going to france for 2 weeks next january! it’s an intercession trip for my last humanities credit, and i am super excited. i’ve never been out of the country before but have wanted to travel for a long time.  i’ve been seriously considering doing this trip for almost a year (they offer it for this class just about every intercession) and finally decided this was the right time to sign up.  gretchen is going too which makes the whole thing even more exciting. every so often one of us will randomly declare our excitement about it while we’re both hanging out in the room. and by every so often i actually mean at least once a day. and the trip is still months away so i’m pretty sure the excitement level in our room come next fall is going to be unbelievable, haha.

one of our other friends is going as well, so the three of us are talking about trying to learn a little bit of french beforehand so we don’t die/pee ourselves in public because we can’t ask for the bathroom, ha. i only know spanish so i anticipate this being a bit of a challenge. (okay, and obviously i know english as well. although while typing that sentence i accidentally wrote ‘i only know spanish so i anticipating…’ so i guess my knowledge of english is contestable.) my genius plan to avoid looking dumb is to use sign language since it is universal and just fake muteness. that way the people who can’t understand me are the ones who feel dumb, haha.  i must admit that my limited knowledge of sign language begins and ends with children’s worship song motions, but hey… most people don’t know sign language anyway and thus wont realize that i am just signing ‘yes, jesus loves me.’  my sister does not think this is a good plan… i have no idea why, hahaha.

(she pointed out that this plan may backfire on me in that i still wouldn’t be able to communicate my need for a bathroom and would then look even dumber when i peed my pants, but… whatever.)

i was hoping i’d be able to get it together and post things about our weekend at gretchen’s before august this year but um… things aren’t looking good in that department, haha.  but here’s a sneak peak:

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so… that’s that.  i’m just kidding about august (i hope, ha.)  i should probably post the rest of those soon.  it was a really fun, and much needed, weekend away.

oh yeah, i’m recovering from a concussion too.  i’ll tell that story another time.  it’s a little bit humorous, especially since i’ll be okay.

welp, i started writing this at 11pm and it’s now 1am.  and technically easter, so i’ll close with one of my favorite videos of all time.  happy easter friends!

well the pharisees couldn’t stand him, but they found out they couldn’t stop him. pilate couldn’t find any fault in him. herod couldn’t kill him. death couldn’t handle him, and the grave couldn’t hold him! that’s my king!!
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lose yourself

so my life has been insane lately… i feel like i’m constantly in hyperdrive. but easter break is on the horizon (12 days from now… i can make it!) and having ten days to rest will be lovely. i keep trying to blog but can’t ever finish a post. i’ve been meaning to post a music thing recently and was going to include this because it is awesome but it’s taking too long to get myself together and write that and i can’t wait any longer to share this.

i’m not a fan of eminem at all, but joels cover is insanely good. i think i’ve listened to this 100 times (and that’s not an exaggeration… in fact it might be a low estimate, ha… i’m kind of obsessed.) i go to school with some super talented people. i hope you enjoy it as well!

i’m sure i’ll post some huge update with tons of pictures of all the stuff i’ve been up to soon, but until then… peace.

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happy

so i changed up my usual study location so i would be productive and study for my biochem exam which is on thursday.  but you know… i’m blogging instead.  typical.

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i’m pretty happy right now.  it’s nice enough outside to wear my favorite yellow sweater, i’m ‘studying’ in a coffee shop which is probably my favorite place to study, and i get to drink coffee out of a mug.  i love drinking coffee from a legit mug.  there is something about a regular mug… it’s better than a to-go cup or a travel mug (which is what i usually drink my coffee out of).  it’s the best.

you know what else is the best?  my coffee shop playlist.  7.7 hours of awesome, haha.  maybe i’ll share some of it in a music post that will hopefully come soon.

well, i probably should get back to that biochem.  that’s not the most happy thing, but even that can’t ruin the rest of the awesomeness of right now, haha.

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something new


these bad boys just came in the mail this week! yay.

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blue & heart & phone

playing catch up a little since i haven’t posted my pictures for the past couple days.  but here they are…

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attempting to balance out the thing i don’t like with two things i do.  studying for molec sym was still pretty tortuous though, ha.

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thanks to the cafeteria, i am now in possession of what has been deemed the weirdest conversation heart of all time.  my personal favorite part about this is the fact that it’s singular, as in only one ‘dewy eye’.  hilarious.

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this phone was an early graduation gift from my parents nearly 3 years ago.  it has suffered much abuse in its life, but the little guy is still going strong.  which is good because i hate all the new phones verizon has that don’t require a data plan and intend to use this phone until it literally will not function any longer (which i pray is a long time from now).

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valentines day threw up on my floor.

the aftermath of a 4 person valentine making bonanza. and in reality this is only about 2/3 of the mess, ha.

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